My Wednesday Afternoon10507823_734690633256512_1665027205_n

Sometimes with the hysteria of life we find ourselves programmed to just get things done. Lately, I’ve been programed to mad cow delirious. Get,a chingas, to work, finish work, get those problems solved, feed the chickens and the burro, take a shower, do this, do that, jump through hoops, do a pirouette…a maroma …. Dispite being tired, I agreed to watch mis amores because I missed them. The boys were peacefully minding their own business outside, my dad was working on his truck, and I found a chair to plop myself on. ” Aye Diosito mio”, is what I said when my pompas met that beautifully rusted chair.  As I sat outside watching mis papasitos chulos, a gust of cool fresh air blew into my face. I asked myself tiredly, “Que chingados Lili,” because, being the loca that I am, I often scold myself in third person. LOL. I KNOW someone out there does the same!  I’m confident I’m not the only kooky out there.  So anyways, I realized that because I was so busy being zombiefied I was missing out on all the beautiful things going on around me. So, I got up. I sat next to my cutie while he serviced my car. He ran to my dad’s tool box and gathered some tools. He said he would fix Tia’s tires and put gas like his papi does. After that he saw his brother was playing with the mangera… he ran, stripped down to his calzoncillos and began playing in the muddy water. Just like 10597314_257812371079268_375757296_nthat, without giving it a second thought. I would do anything to be free like that again. I laughed, took my shoes off, and joined the fun. Underneath all the chaos of 3 boys laughing, fighting, and splashing I heard my dad singing to a old-school bolero on the staticy AM La Rancherita del Aire. I stopped what I was doing, listened, smiled, and took the time to thank Diosito for moments like this that allow me to feel unconditional, unrestricted happiness. It brought tears to my eyes.

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Nothing heals the soul like the sand between your toes,

the sounds of the sea mixed with music playing from a speaker,

and leaving all that which hurts us behind.

This is where we begin to rebuild.

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On my way home from work I had to stop to admire the scenery. I couldn’t help but to thank mi Diosito. Too often I zoom past these green pastures, vivacious clouds, and laid back cows.  Today, I stopped. I leaned on the hood of my car for a bit, took a deep breath of  clean country air, and felt the Texas summer breeze on my face.  I feel that my life is coming full circle. I find it so refreshing because this has been a period of great growth for me. All aspects of my life were defined these last 6 years. Now, I find myself in the process of getting moved into the classroom I once started in. I find myself beautifully enlightened.  I find myself being surprised, at work,  with beautiful roses from an old love and the only thing I feel is love and forgiveness in my heart instead of the anger I felt for so long.  I find myself in the same place I use to be at, but this time… I am different. I am stronger. I am grateful.

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My dancing partner is taking a break. I’m suppose to be cleaning w/ the broom but who can say no to dancing to Celoso by Toppaz.

This song brings back childhood memories of being in Mexico. Spending summers with my prima Laura… Driving down my abuelita Lilia’s callejon. Potholes everywhere, my body swaying from the bumps, the tienditas where I always went to buy my coca cola and rancheritos passing by . The bright sun’s heat coming in through my Tio Carlos blue van. Looking out the window and feeling comfortably home. I miss my Mexico…

As this memory beautifully plays in my mind,  somber  memories creep up…dancing drunk to this song, tears rolling down after drinking a bottle of wine start coming to me…. cleaning brokenhearted. Closing my eyes…singing at the top of my lungs,  para desahogarme. Swaying my body to sooth my soul…. and only to find myself opening my eyes to an Islander’s deceiving smile.

In the end, This song….music…. has seen my heart’s most inconsolable collapses and my most treasured joys.