No excuses

SO… I have a confession…well, I have a lot of confessions…but some are only for God’s ears. LOL….The worse thing is that no me da verguenza when I say that I stuffed my face all December long. I’m terrified of stepping on the scale so my plan is to jump back on the wagon and hit it hard for the month of January. Then, I’ll weigh myself, assess my damage, gather my thoughts, make a plan, and give myself motivation to continue on a healthy path. The hard part is the damage control. I don’t know if all those tamales  y posole were worth it. Who am I kidding, deep down I’m telling myself they are worth it.  I feel as if I fell into a hole, I could only hope a donut hole, and I have no intentions of getting out.   A lot of people don’t understand the relationship us gorditas have with food and my ramblings might be meaningless to most people but the path to a healthy  body (and mind) is a hard one for one who’s happiness and sadness has revolved around food. You gotta work on all angles. Sometimes I fall off the boat and I really don’t give a crap.  I love food and sometimes all I really want is a #4 from Whataburger and I won’t be happy till I get it and that’s just the way it is some days…so I just go to bed to curve the craving.  Sometimes, I cave, sometimes, I sleep. Its a daily struggle to curve the craving and strength to say no is something that comes with time. I’m not excusing myself…I’m admitting that its a problem. Writing helps me get everything out into the open…out of hiding. I laugh about it a lot because that’s the only way to cope with the anxiety of this process. Sometimes falling off the boat gives me a little bit of happiness, as bad as that sounds, but then I hear Roger’s wise words, “The key is to balance the 2 worlds.”

Regardless of these feelings, I am fully aware that this mentality is what got me in the state that I am in. I hurt my body and my self esteem and I am only now repairing the damage that being unhealthy made. I promised myself that I would close the doors of the past and with that means trying my hardest to leave that mentality behind.  No excuses.

So, to commemorate the New Year I am declaring that I will have no resolutions. I know how hypercritical I am by making New Years resolutions  so I’m just not going to make any and just move forward in the path that I’m on…even if sometimes me vuelo loca and go off-roading. Every year since ever I say a whole bunch crap that deep down ni me las creo yo…every year I do not follow through with that promise and every year I do NOT feel bad for not losing weight LOL.  So I’m just scratching out saying a bunch of crap that in the end I’m not going to do anyways. Who am I kidding, I’m never going to stop eating tamales y posole . Que bueno that THAT’S of my chest.


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