Una Exagerada

So I love my papi (and my mami as well but this story is about my dad) and usually when something goes wrong I call him and he comes to save the day. For example, when I left my keys in the car because I had gone to HEB and got chicken juice on my hand. My OCD was on full force mode so I forgot to grab them when I got out of the car or that time I called at 4am drunk cuz I heard baby mice in my closet. He came over half asleep with my mom’s flip flops on because I was freaking out that I had baby field mice in my closet….but save those stories for another day…. Anyways, keep in mind that my dad, a short and extremely overprotective Mexican man, raised 6 beautiful girls and after about 40 years of fatherhood, one may say, would drive any father insane. Today, I called him because I suspected my propane tank was leaking. Since I’m a “DIY” girl, I grabbed my cute little squirty bottle with soap, put on my big girl panties, because I’m deathly scared of “Lola la grandota”. My propane tank is a monstra! SO, there I go to check her out for myself. I thought I had everything under control until I found the leak!! I called my dad and he gets frustrated with me because he doesn’t understand what “that thingy on the side with the cosa on top” is. So as I’m explaining, my dad can’t hear, so he’s screaming at me on the other side…”Que, no te entiendo, no se que esa “cosa” es”. Then, ever so casually, he tries to convince me to tighten up the valve. I was so scared, the hell I was going to touch it, but after 5 mins of telling my papa that Lola would explode and I was going to blow up I mustered up the courage to touch the valve… AND IT MOVED!!! Because I live out in the monte with porcupines that attack dogs, I envisioned the explosion to be a grand one and no one finding me. So when the valve moved, in the climax of my theatrical display of events, I gave out a real loud and real texmex “AYE DIOS MIO! Me esplota! SE MOVE…LA COSA SE MOVE” as I ran away from the tank. Those were the only words I was able to spit out. My poor dad, who is out of town, lost, running out of gas…listening to one of his daughters screaming in his ear…is freaking out on the phone. So like many other of my conversations with him, he’s on the other end saying, “QUE!!! QUE TE PASA MIJA!! QUE TIENS!!” After I finally calm myself and realize that, in fact, Lola has not exploded, I start laughing but my father on the other hand, was not. He said I almost gave him a heart attack and that he had to stop on the side of the road. I had no words. I had to put on my big girl panties that flew off while I cowardly ran and after trying to figure out what I was saying was leaking,  he gave me instructions to close the shut off valve. WTH is a shut off valve?!? Ah, ok, the thingy, la cosa= the shut off valve. So the shut off valve is what was leaking.

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